The (Friend) Break-up

I had to fire my friend Danica. I tried to handle it all very officially and respectfully, in the calm, unemotional way I would part company with any person who wasn’t fulfilling the role my boys needed them to fill (I know I don’t talk much about my kids here–I have a mommy blog for that–but suffice it to say I’m FIERCELY protective of and proactive for them).

But the respectful, unemotional mode of parting of professional company didn’t work. My friend Danica called and wanted a post-mortem.

Yeah, autopsies are ugly. You cut into flesh and yank out organs. I didn’t want to go there; I told Danica that I thought it was best that we didn’t go there. But she pushed . . . and I gave her what she wanted.

She didn’t believe she’d been late or canceled or otherwise bailed in any way whatsoever. I pulled out the calendar where I keep track of all the boys’ therapy sessions (I keep track so that when it comes time to sign timecards I know what I’m signing), and listed them out one by one. And she tried to justify each time, which of course made me angry. I mean, if I was the Chief of Staff at a hospital and an employee tried to make excuses for all her failed surgeries rather than admitting she screwed up and was wrong, I’d be pissed then too.

That started her chain of excuses, the best of which was “I wasn’t good at my job because I knew that you knew so much more about how to do it than I did and it made me nervous.”

Yes, admit you don’t know how to do your job (I’d previously pushed for her to go to more trainings and she refused because she said she already knew all she needed to know), and then BLAME people who know more than you do for your lack of knowledge. Classic.

Yeah, I didn’t respond to that well. I can grin through most bullshit and then just walk away, but when it comes to my kids . . . I told Danica exactly what I thought about her lack of professionalism.

She cried.

A couple days later she called to ask about coming to pick up the couple of things she had at my house. I gathered the stuff in a little basket and it’s by my door for her to pick up. Today she facebook un-friended me.

I have two reactions to all this:

1. Girls suck. I know that’s anti-feminist for me to say, but girls (as opposed to mature women) can be such whiny babies about things. In high school my best friends we all males because the girls who had been my close friends in elementary school and junior high school got too possessive and emotional and crazy for me to stand. Gah, I remember the jealous fights about how I was spending too much time with one friend and it hurt the feelings of another friend and . . . wow. I’ve never had such a whiny break-up with a guy as I did with Danica. I’ve never had to gather together a box of an ex’s stuff and I’ve never had an ex un-friend me. Just . . . girls suck.

2. I don’t feel I’ve lost anything. I feel no sadness or remorse about Danica leaving my life. I think it’s mostly because she really never added anything to my life–instead, she took away. Earlier this week my brother (with whom I am very close) was in a serious accident, and I had these amazing people hold me up through it . . . Danica would never do that for me. She’d come to me to prop her up through every little thing, but she’d never return the support.

I really haven’t lost anything.